Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

facial expressions:idea:
I’ve said before, I’m very clueless about a good many things, especially regarding human relationships. One major deficiency is reading people.

Women, I think, are better then guys when it comes to body language. Especially the small facial signals: winks, flirts, smiles, smirks. I think women have a better handle on all that. Maybe it is genetic. After all they have to take care of babies who take a while to develop language. Moms have to be able to read faces, coos or cries, and the slightest little twitch.

I think this progresses for them into a complex system of language. One that isn’t necessarily restricted to females but is more often used by them and more easily understood by them. Certainly guys have body language systems too. But most are rather blatant, being more a sign language rather than body language. Like military stealth signals, outgrowths of animal stalking.

For example, several years ago before the separation from my last wife, she and I were at a party at my boss’s house. She was off in one room gabbing with the gals. I had, as I often do, stationed myself at the end of the kitchen bar, pretty much to myself.

A female student came over and started asking me questions. We talked for sometime. I hadn’t really noticed the conversation had shifted from questions about the class to more personal questions, but nothing out of line.

My boss’s wife, also a boss more-or-less, got my attention out of the corner of my eye. She made this very subtle gesture with her face. It was so subtle. I did not recognize it at the moment. A minute later she caught my attention again, the facial gesture more pronounced. One eye half closed with a little ‘no’ sort of twitch to her head. I honestly thought it was just a tic.

A little bit later the boss-wife came over and tapped the gal on the shoulder and told her there were some jell-o shots in the other part of the kitchen and the young gal took off toward them. Then the boss-wife gave me that little tic look again. I must have looked at her the way a dog looks at you when they don’t understand, my head cocked sideways as if to say, “What?” The boss-wife steps close and whispers, “Stay away from her. She’s trouble,” and then leaves.

First, I had no clue the gal was flirting. Not at all. At the time it was really meaningless. For one thing, I was married. True, even the mighty fall. But for another, she was way too young for me. There is an age barrier I will never cross. Not that she was illegal, but as you begin to approach my daughter’s age, well, it just seems yucky. But that gal would have to whisper something naughty right in my ear for me to have any clue.

Secondly, I had no clue that the boss-wife was telling me something. Not at all. As I said, at the time I thought it was some tic or itch, something in her eye perhaps, or blowing away a gnat or something. Those subtle gestures that she thought were straightforward went right over my head, like Jeff Dunham’s Peanut. Zoom. No clue at all.

Ladies, when dealing with guys, try being a little more overt. Many of us guys can’t read the signs.

About Sifu Keith Mosher

My new book, "Astro Boy, Sensei, and Me" is available now, as is my Sci-Fi joy ride, "On a Sphere's Edge". I have a Bachelor of Media Arts degree from USC. I have been an Audio Producer / Engineer, a Law Office Manager, and I am currently an Author and a Martial Arts Instructor.
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