You’ve heard it before, some people are cats, some are dogs, and I suspect that some are gerbils, but that’s another discussion all together. :))
In thinking on where I am now and where I have come from; my divorces, specifically my last which was the most heart wrenching, whereas my first followed more typical incompatibility lines, I have come to realize that I am a cat.
As a cat, I can be very loyal – often attributed to dogs but I’ve never had a cat run away. I can be very loving when you want it, or when I want it. But like a cat, when the love session is over – oh look, a bird! There are other things to do. It isn’t that I have forgotten you. I’ll be back, snuggling up against you, wanting some loving. Or if you find me and begin to pet me and scratch the top of my head, I’ll curl up in your lap and purr away until one of us says, “I’m done,” and then – oh look, a bug!
However one of my difficulties, which I am now coming to terms with, is that if I am in a relationship, if some artificial knot has been tied, I try to be a dog. I try to do everything with my partner in mind. On the surface that would seem to be a good thing. But it is directly opposed to the idea of being true to oneself.
As a cat in a dog costume, I get torn and stressed. Even dogs experience this. The master wants the dog to jump into the pool, but the dog doesn’t want to, but wants to please the master and do whatever is asked of it. So it lurches back and forth, wanting to concede to the master’s will while not really wanting to get in the water. Eventually the master wins. Dogs, fortunately, shake it off entirely, completely forgetting that they really didn’t want to get wet.
The cat in me remembers that I had no desire to get wet. I do not hold the master responsible. I jumped in. But I ask myself, “why did I do things I didn’t want to do?” I’m not a dog. I can’t shake it off, not entirely. Deep down I’m a cat, and I should not wear a dog costume.
It is a shame that it has taken so many of my nine lives to figure out that I am a cat, that I will always be a cat, and that I should never try to be a dog. But at least with this remaining life, I have figured it out. I hope I can make better use of this life with that knowledge. And who knows, I just might – oh look, a squirrel!